dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
