If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
