I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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