I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As shirtless as possible
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
