i jhust puked up my retainher.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
