FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
