It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
