it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
