I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
