Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
