You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
