one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
