Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
