I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
