I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
