woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
