u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
