I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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