why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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