haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
