If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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