first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
