I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
