As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
