You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
