whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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