Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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