I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
