Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
