Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
