Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
