hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
