i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
