she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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