Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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