I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
