it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
