he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
