Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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