im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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