Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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