Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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