Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
