im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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