my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We don't watch enough power rangers
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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