I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
