Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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