I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
