like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
