Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
