dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
