thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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