It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
